Naked knees? Not on your life!

I had been tossing the idea of acupuncture around for a while, when I got a phone call from my friend, who after a difficult time trying to get pregnant had succeeded, and she told me it was due to acupuncture! I congratulated her, and she told me it was kind of a miracle because according to her Doctors she was in Perimenopause, and her chances of getting pregnant without IVF were slim to none. I decided then and there, that I was for sure going to try acupuncture, and see if it could help me out with any of my many ailments.


I remembered a few eons back that my insurance company used to offer a deal with participating providers for acupuncture, and general health alternatives, health clubs, yoga etc... It is not insurance exactly we just get a discount for using a participating provider. I began looking around my area for acupuncturists, and found a few but they were between 10-20 miles away. Not exactly convenient with my work and life schedule. I was hoping for something closer maybe within 5 miles or so. SO I put the idea aside for a while.

Then a few weeks ago I went to the Chiropractor, and had an adjustment done. We have been seeing this guy for about 5 years, and he is really nice, not at all like some piranha Chiropractors who try to shove all sorts of odd things down your throat, and force you to come in twice a week. No this guy is very cautious, and leaves it up to us when we want to come in for treatment. He is so good in fact, that for about 3 years I had no reason to visit him. Anyhoo, as I was leaving I remembered to get a receipt from him so I could submit it to payflex. (We are pretty new to payflex, so we never really needed a receipt before). When I got home I looked over the receipt to make sure it was ok, when I noticed that under the diagnoses codes acupuncture was listed. Now our Chiropractor does work with two other Doctors so I didn’t get too excited yet, it could be one of them who did the procedure. I decided to have my husband ask him, as he was going in for his own appointment a few days later. Sure enough this guy does acupuncture! I was so excited. I mulled over all the possible ailments I could be rid of, but then I started wondering about the price. And wondering why this guy had never mentioned that he offered other services.

I called my insurance company to see how their little savings program worked, and to see if my Doctor was a participating member. They told me he wasn’t but gave me the names of a few places close by that were willing to take 20% less than what they usually charged. I called them to get a price, and with our discount it was going to be $32. Not bad, but then I might get stuck with one of the wacky type Chiropractors. So I called my Chiropractor, and asked him what he charged out of the gate, and his regular price was $30. I told him it sounded like a good deal, and made the first appointment for this coming Saturday. I asked him where exactly the needles would go, and he said he would start simply, using just a few needles, in a few key points in the inside of my elbow area and above the knee. This is when I started to freak out just a little. It has been approximately 16 years since anyone other than my husband and GYNO, have been near my knees. I don’t wear shorts, and at the pool wear a full swim suit cover. I have always detested my knees, and to have some one look at them and above them just terrifies me, not to mention it means I have to shave above them!

I realize that he is a Doctor, and I have been going there for half a decade, and really he isn’t going to give a rats patoot about mine or anyone else’s knees, but still, no one sees me without long sleeves, and long pants, or if I am brave enough to wear a skirt, then I have opaque tights on.

I think going to any kind of Doctor where I have to show any kind of skin, is right up there with public pooping. (By this of course I mean pooping in a public restroom, not pooping in the presence of the actual public). So in preparation for my surely humiliating experience, I have been doing Pilates religiously, and then this week I started yoga again. Is it helping? Well kind of, I feel stronger, am it getting rid of the dimples and bumps? Not so much. I asked the Doctor what I should wear to the appointment, and he suggested sweats and a t-shirt. Double gasp! Wearing sweats in public? I may as well go naked! I own a few pair of sweat pants, I use them mainly to exercise in, and sleep in. To actually leave the house in a pair? Well that would be mortifying. I favor the yoga pant style, but they tend to be thin and clingy, not a good combination for an out of shape housewife such as myself. The other thicker pair I own have a small hole in the crotch, so not appropriate for public consumption.

So I hauled my husband to the mall with me on Monday to look for a pair that maybe wouldn’t look horrible. That is an oxy moron after all they are sweats. But we looked at several stores, and I couldn’t even find one pair I would wear even to a gym. Did I mention that before I get acupuncture, I have my very first counseling appointment, just down the complex from my Chiro? Yes, right before, as in I would have to actually wear the sweats to not just one office but two! And actual people would see me, and wonder why at 10:00 in the morning I couldn’t bother to put on something appropriate. And being my first appointment with my counselor, I want to make a good first impression. So I found a long sleeved shirt that is flexible and still cute, and a pair of loose dress pants that can be pulled above my knee.

I realize I should maybe have trepidation about the needles, but I don’t, not even a little bit. I am more scared of having my body seen, and if I look cute. Yes I am vain, and self conscious. I will be the first to admit it, and yes I am neurotic (did I mention the counselor?) But I have my principles. And for me, fashion will always come before function.